This is for all the millennials out there (if the first digit of your birth year starts with a “2”,
screw scroll away, it’s probably just puberty you’re facing).
It felt like it was only yesterday that you got so smashed, you barely remembered your 21st birthday. The sound of your friends yelling “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!” is still ringing in your ear.
You close your eyes, everything’s a blur… Next thing you know, you are in your mid-twenties, staring blankly into space and questioning your existence.
The mid-life crisis was once a thing, but with all the stress millennials are facing these days, they experience these emotions prematurely. It’s like a mid-mid-life crisis.
Here are 14 telltale signs you are going through a quarter-life crisis:
You wake up from what seems like a really bad hangover — you’re parched and shivering, you open your eyes and your head is spinning. Panicking, you try your best to remember where you went last night, and how exactly you ended up here. You look down to check if your clothes are still on…
And then you remember. You were OT-ing last night and passed out on your desk, right next to the packet of chicken rice you dapao-ed for dinner. (Gross much?)
That’s when you know that you have passed the prime of your youth. Hangovers from partying too hard? Nah.
Gone are the glorious days of TGIWs, where ladies thank God for free-entry to Zouk. You now praise the lord that you actually make it past half the week (barely) alive.
But you ARE weak. You spent your whole week at work thinking about all the exciting things you’re going to do over the weekends.
It’s 5pm, Friday, you’re an hour away from knocking off from work, but you’re already having second thoughts about the plans you made in advance…
Because all you have in mind is your bed. And Netflix.
The number of times you’ve heard this during Chinese New Year far exceeds the number of ang pows you’ve received.
So much so that you start zoning out by the fourth time you hear it, and you actually start formulating plans for next year’s visit. Should I just rent a partner? (Yes, there are actually people offering such “services” on Carousell and other platforms.) Or… Maybe I should just say yes and collect double the ang pows?
Ahh, social media. The number one reminder of your relationship status.
“Love you babe, xoxo.” *Scroll* “Happy 100 days, honey.” *Rolls eye and scroll* That’s basically 70% of your Instagram timeline in a nutshell. Sick of scrolling through all those cheesy and cringe-y posts, you turn to Facebook, hoping to find some dank memes. But all you see are updates of your friends’ Tinder-dates-gone-wrong.
And here you are lying in bed in your pyjamas, with your laptop perched on your lap. All you want to do is to Netflix and chill… Alone. Maybe with a pint of ice cream or two. And a
glass bottle of wine.
You reminisce the days where you wake up to a piping hot cup of Milo made by your mother.
Now you literally function on caffeine, you begin to suspect that there’s more coffee than blood running through your veins.
Every single time you check yourself out in the mirror, it’s like watching a horror movie. As you think how much you’re beginning to resemble the walking dead (emotionally and physically), it makes you wonder…
Other than the fact that you look like the pandas in Singapore Zoo, you’re not getting any action just like Jia Jia and Kai Kai. (Ooh, double burn.)
“Baby I don’t need dollar bills to have fun tonight…” Sia’s ‘Cheap thrills’ used to be your Friday night anthem. But now whenever you hear that song, you low-key cry on the inside because HELL, everything’s about the dollar bills.
No money, no honey yeah? (That explains #2 and #3)
During the weekends, they’re everywhere. Outside the MRT, in the shopping mall, at the hawker centre… They’re just fulfilling what every Singaporean student has to go through — the mandatory CIP (Community Involvement Programme).
We’ve all been there, done that. Yet when they approach you, all you can think about is how much of a charity case you are yourself.
You start receiving calls from acquaintances you’ve not met or spoken to in a decade, wanting to “catch up” over coffee.
Looking at that unfamiliar number, you think to yourself: who the hell is this? You click on their WhatsApp profile picture. White background. Business suit. Upright posture, smiling as though it’s a Colgate advertisement.
“By the way, have you thought of how to put your money to better use?”
Yup, you know what’s up.
Phone bills, taxes, credit card bills, health insurance, MORE bills… There’s almost no end to the list. You’ve got a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting, but somehow none of these add up.
And how the hell can you afford to fork out additional sums of money when you can already feel the pinch from upsizing your McBreakfast this morning?!
You stand in the queue outside the club impatiently waiting for the bouncer to check your IC.
It’s finally your turn, but the burly man just waves his hand, signalling for you to enter without even glancing at your IC. You triumphantly smile to yourself as you keep your IC, snickering at the bunch of adolescents behind you.
That’s when it hits you. These bunch of young punks were probably born in the year 2000. It’s 2018. They’re now legal. Wait, WHAAAT?
Meanwhile, you look so old that the bouncer couldn’t even be bothered wasting his time checking your date of birth. Now let that sink in.
Even the smallest things trigger you and remind you how merciless time is.
Remember how you waited until your 22nd birthday just to post a picture and caption it with lyrics from Taylor Swift’s song, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22”.
And that’s when you realise, despite Tay Tay’s assurance that “everything’s gonna be alright”, you don’t even know what the hell is going on in your life. *Cues breakdown*
After thinking about how you spent a good 20 minutes trying to get into your favourite pair of jeans this morning, you’re determined to shed all that weight. You start filling your grocery basket with fruits, vegetables and gluten-free cereals.
But hey, it’s Netflix-and-wallow-in-self-pity night. Why deprive yourself? With only S$15 left in your wallet, you’re forced to make a decision — rabbit food or you can head over to your favourite aisle to grab a pint of Häagen-Dazs (and risk never being able to fit into that pair of jeans again).
Team #YouOnlyLiveOnce or Team #YouOnlyDieOnce?
Yeah sure, do as many things as you can while you’re still young, YOLO, right? You’re convinced that you should just f*** it, get a tattoo, quit your job and go solo-backpacking around the world.
But wait… you start to think: if you don’t work hard now, nobody’s going to pay your bills. And you remain broke. And then you will never get married. Then you’re never going to have kids. And you’ll get depressed and die, in your dingy rented one-room HDB flat… #foreveralone
As much as YOLO, you also only die once. So you better chuck those YOLO thoughts aside and start hustling.
If you made it to this point without suffering from a mental breakdown, kudos to you. Share this with your friends if more than half the signs in this list are oh-so-relatable. You’ll realise that you’re not going through this sh*t alone.
If life gives you lemons… Grab the tequila and salt, ‘cos life isn’t always that bleak.
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