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Categories: Culture
| On 2 years ago

10 New Year Resolutions That Are Bound To Fail In 2017

With Christmas now over (boooo), the bittersweet countdown to the New Year has begun. I always can’t help but to start reflecting on the past year wayyy in advance and let’s face it – 2016 has been a bit shit.

Celebrity deaths, disagreeable politics and global conflict aside, my personal life has taken a bit of a beating. I know I’m probably not alone in welcoming 2017 with open (and I mean WIDE OPEN) arms, but with all the resolutions I’m now making, I can’t help but feel like 80, okay fine, 90 percent are going to fail.

Here are 10 New Year Resolutions that I’m confident won’t make it past March, but I sure as hell am still going to try.

1. Exercise More

Even I’m chuckling as I write this. Seriously, who am I kidding? Every year I tell myself it’s time for that Megan Fox bod and yet every year I let myself down.

I just love food too much! And my bed. I’ll probably sign up for a new gym membership soon, but we all know how that’s going to end. Maybe 2017 will be different…

2. Eat Better

Now this I always manage to keep up… for awhile. I remember eating really clean in preparation for ZoukOut 2012 but that’s just because there was no way I was going to be caught looking like a whale tried to put on a bikini.

This resolution goes hand in hand with exercising so maybe that’s my downfall. One lack of motivation leads to another and I just snowball further away from my Megan Fox bod dreams. Still, I’ll never fail to try. Brown rice and wholegrain pasta, here I come!

3. Save More Money

Or any money for that matter. I increasingly seem to live paycheck to paycheck and this isn’t ideal in an expensive country like Singapore. I know most of you will feel me when I say we all probably start out with the best intentions at the beginning of the year, but somehow life gets in the way.

Holidays, nights out on the town, birthday dinners, CHRISTMAS… socialising is probably the root of the problem. I guess this is goodbye everyone, see ya’ll when I’m ballin’ in 2018.

4. Cut Down Alcohol Consumption

I guess that was a tad dramatic. Short of becoming a recluse this 2017, maybe I should just cut down on certain things – my alcohol consumption for one.

Drinking in Singapore is EX.PEN.SIVE so I really need to jump on some good happy hour deals to get me through the year. Or at least just try to stop drinking so much and get drunk on life instead? Who am I kidding.

5. Stop Cabbing Everywhere

Okay, anyone else got the shock of their lives when Uber decided to sum up the year with the number of Uber rides you’ve taken? I think I lost a month of my pay! Don’t get me wrong, taxis, Ubers and Grabcars have saved many of my mornings and nights this 2016, but I’m probably addicted.

In 2017, I resolve to not cab everywhere just because I’m lazy. I also need to stop thinking that “time is money” because, well, I don’t have the money. I will most likely fail on this front but maybe my 2017 year Uber round up will be less of a heart attack.

6. Cut Out Negative Vibes

They say you should never spend too much of your time on Thought Catalog but it’s my guilty pleasure, especially when I’m wallowing. Most of the umm, “inspirational” articles on there tell you to ‘cut out negative vibes’ and I suppose that’s obviously true to lead a happy life.

The older I get, the less time I have for nonsense but I seem to be a magnet for bad vibes. Here’s to hoping I keep them at bay this 2017, at least for half the year!

7. Be A Better Daughter/Son

Daughter obviously, in my case. My parents have recently started calling me “The Tenant”, which I’m sure you can guess implies that I treat my house like a hotel. It’s not that I mean to, it’s just that I always get so busy with work and then try to squeeze in whatever social life I can in my spare time.

Family time is so important and I always promise myself I’ll do more to be a better child. I mean, who on earth wants to have a kid who then just grows up to not spend any time with them anymore? Surely kids are born to be slaves to their parents forever (I feel the need to highlight that this is a joke).

Seriously though Mum and Dad, I’m going to really try but I know ya’ll will still love me if I fail so THANK YOU.

8. Disconnect From Social Media

Yupp, that’s me looking really happy, probably scrolling through Instagram. If I could get 50 cents for every minute I’ve spent on social media, I could probably buy a whole lot of stuff from Daiso by now. Like, a whole lot of stuff.

I could honestly do so many better things with my time (like exercise) so I vow to delete a few social media apps from my phone this 2017. While I may not last more than a week, I will know that I really, really tried.

9. Live In The Moment

Cutting out or spending less time on social media will mean that I get to focus on my next resolution: Living in the moment #live. It’s so easy these days to let life just pass you by, I mean, did anyone think 2017 was going to come so soon?

I don’t want to suddenly wake up, 40 years of age, and wonder where the past 15 years have gone. That being said, I’ve definitely made this resolution before and a couple of months ago, I woke up, 25 years of age and couldn’t really remember what I’ve accomplished in the past five years.

Go figure.

10. Sleep Earlier

Ah, sleep, you’re as elusive as Mewtwo in Pokemon Go. I don’t even need to list this as an annual resolution that fails; I fail in this department daily.

While there just aren’t enough hours in a day, I will continue to try (and fail) to sleep earlier. Either that or I’ll just keep telling myself that it’s still daytime somewhere in the world.

The odds may always be against us in trying to keep to resolutions but just remember – there’s always next year. Happy New Year everyone!


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Marissa Mir

25 and still trying very hard to adult.

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