Ahh… The mysterious Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) that plagues all women in some uncertain manner, leading them to an entire period of psychosis that even they themselves cannot relate to. Reality holds no place within this period, let alone logic.
PMS can happen before an individual’s menstrual period and/or during – there’s really no clear definition except that it’s a pain to have, both physically and emotionally.
I’ve had a long, hard battle with PMS all these years, and while I’ve learned to deal with the physical pains (hah I know right), the emotional roller coaster is the harder concept to wrap my head around. All I can say is, don’t mess with the hormones man. Even after all these years, I haven’t quite figured myself out, but it gets better. I think.
While I can’t give you a permutation to solve these insane riddles, I can compile a list of things NOT to do when your hormones are wrecking your emotions (which you’re probably going to do anyway, but one can try).
1. Think That You’re A Queen & Therefore Possess The Ability To Be Dramatic About It
I think the greatest liberation so far is to accept that these hormones are in play, and like it or not, you’re going to feel like something’s not quite right and you can’t pinpoint why. You start feeling things you don’t usually do and the drama queen is back.
The key point really is to not welcome the drama queen with open arms; do not let a small detail in your life or past life come haunt you and dramatise it with class A skill. Like that inside ant joke you had with your ex-boyfriend who was once your everything and is now everything you do not want to think about.
The ant is dead, and so is your ex-love. Move on.
2. Stop Exercising
This. Because it’s only water weight and all the bloating will go away soon enough. You have cramps, you are a drama queen and you want everything your way. So all you’re gonna do is be the pig that you are and wallow in self pity and gorge on chocolates. No.
Exercising actually alleviates menstrual cramps and helps release endorphins, which in turn, puts you in a way better mood — but you know, chocolates and lying in bed sounds great anyway, especially when your determination is at its lowest.
3. Use Your Phone
You’re emotionally unstable, so whipping out your phone to check Instagram might lead to your ex ex ex ex ex-boyfriend’s feed and you’re like, omg I’ve let the world’s best guy down and he’s the one who got away. Then you put on the song you two always used to listen to and HELLO drama queen we are back in business.
Dramatisation starts yet again and you paint this whole bittersweet scenario in your head that never happened and all you ever feel is just intense emotions that sprout from nowhere. No *bleeping* where. I promise you that you’ll feel like a fool the next morning, I speak with enough experience, period.
4. Listen to Music
Hahahaha refer to the point above and the bittersweet scenario continues to cause a downward spiral. Even better, pull out that Europe trip video you two shared from years ago and realise how much of a doofus you are to have been the way you were. Memories keep coming back and you’re dying inside only hoping that this gets better soon.
But it’s not like you’re still in love with that person y’know, you merely miss the memories and the feelings with it. But you’re gonna overplay it anyway because hormones ain’t logical. It literally gets better the next moment, and you’re like wait whaaaat?
So until that logic kicks in again, stay away from those familiar tunes.
5. Cook Anything
I mean, when you’re that emotionally unstable I really don’t think you should be holding a knife. There’s already blood involved, so who knows what you could do with all that frustration while waiting for something to cook.
6. Watch Sappy Movies Or Rom-Coms
Both are classic ways to feed your instability, and halfway through you’re gonna want to die. It’s a lose-lose situation for all – if you’re single you’ll ask yourself why, or want to be single if you’re attached.
Because whatever that’s going through your head is complete and utter nonsense that stems from the movie you’ve just watched and you’re gonna start questioning why your love life isn’t like theirs.
Look, your life isn’t Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Movies are movies for a reason; dramatised narratives to squeeze out emotions in a mere two hours and so the drama queen shouldn’t fret over it.
7. Play With Animals
Speaking from experience, I cried when a cat walked away while I was scratching it. While crying, I judged myself and also questioned my sanity. I’m really not that emotional a person usually, but hormones right? *mind blown*
8. Make Mental Notes Not To Judge Or Lash Out At People
The only thing I can say is, the more we try to contain ourselves, the more we can’t. Mainly because we’re making more mental notes about that mental note that we eventually become a little mental and boy, you better not be breathing loudly next to me because if I can hear you, I’ll end you.
9. Lie Around All Day
You’re supposed to be human, but once again this period of psychosis subjects you to tremendous stress and anxiety so you’re better off lying down, or so you think. Moping around kinda just makes it worse.
10. Overeat & Feed Your Sadness With Chocolates
Apart from lying down, you also gorge on chocolates because a little birdy once told the female species that they’re good for stress and life and health and wellness. A chocolate a day keeps the doctor away, yes?
11. Go Out On Dates
Because obviously it’s the best time to go out on dates. Like what could go wrong right? Except that he might think you’re a psycho bitch that cries over a stray cat walking away from you.
Or that you yelled at someone who breathed a tad bit heavier than usual. No sweat. Because if he can’t handle you at your worst he doesn’t deserve you at all right?
12. Wear White
It’s almost like living life on the edge, adrenaline addict. Make everyday life into a challenge because through this, you grow.
Contest if you can go to the toilet enough without looking like you’re secretly housing someone in there and yet also making sure that the blood flow is contained such that it won’t stain your white bottoms.
13. Lash Out At Your Boyfriend Even When It’s Not His Fault
Under no reason should a boyfriend be subjected to your emotional distress. But I know, he’s the closest to you, he’s your comfort and all you want is him to be there.
Except that you can’t control your emotions and when he’s there you start pushing him away and don your best murderous look, keeping him constantly confused as to what he has done to deserve this. Absolutely nothing.
And while you’re battling internally to not lash out, he goes, ‘Are you PMS–ing?’.
This is the point where we feel terribly sorry for the male species.
14. Start An Argument
You’re gonna go batshit crazy whether you like it or not, and if you happen to have a little demon crawling around in your womb, chances are you’ll probably want to win the debate and say things you don’t mean or even believe in.
So go on, start that argument and ruin friendships.
You’re going to end up in an argument, period.
16. Skip Going To The Toilet
Just because you don’t want to face a bloody mess huh. Take my word for it, suddenly I become this grand lazy worm that literally debates internally for a good long time if it’s worth it to get up and face the mess.
But soon enough you’ll realise that’s a bad move and you would’ve stained your clothing by then.
So here’s a good list of things you should not do when you’re PMS-ing because you’re only going to feel worse. But who are we kidding right, try as you may, temptation befalls and you succumb to it. It then becomes a cyclical process and you’re eternally incarcerated in this PMS vortex and it goes on and on and on…
But that aside, I really think the first step to climbing out of the abyss is to accept that there are days where you will feel completely irrational and overly frustrated at things that don’t matter on normal days. When that happens and you draw a link to PMS, know that these are hormones in play and you’re not that psychotic. In acceptance, you will find emancipation.
So before committing any drastic actions, think twice and rationalise the decision because you’re well aware that your hormones are small-scale controlling you during this period. But you know, just take it easy yo, bleeding out once a month is going to take a toll on anyone.
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